Freedom

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

"...Yep. That's how I intend to keep it. No responsibilities," my coworker said to me last week when I commented on his care-free, cavalier lifestyle. Although I gave off the impression to him that I'm jealous, I'm not. I can't imagine what it would be like to have no mate, no children and no regard for anyone but yourself. How selfish. How silly. How foreign to a wife and mother like me.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

This past Saturday my children stayed with my parents while Luke and I got a chance to have a "date day" and went to a surprise party for one of our friends. "Date day" was awesome. We went golfing, had a couple of cocktails and were home by 4:30ish. We took a shower and got ready for the surprise party. Dinner and the surprise were both fun, but over by about 9:00 and then everyone wanted to go to the bar. All I wanted to do was go home and snuggle in bed with my husband and our kids.

We proceeded to the bar. I really didn't want to be there and I suck at hiding my feelings. Even when I try to hide it, they're still written all over my face and my actions and people usually perceive my as a bitch at that point - I don't even care anymore what they think because that's exactly how I'm acting and they have every right to think that way about me. No I don't want a drink. No I definitely don't want a shot of anything and by the way, I don't care how good of friends you are with my husband, do. not. touch. me. Yep. That's basically the vibe I gave off all night. I sipped on a few beers and pretended to take a shot with our birthday friend. We got home at 3:00 A.M. I was sober and completely exhausted. Husband was not even a sliver of sober and also completely exhausted.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I woke up at 7 A.M. yesterday, put a pot of coffee on and was so anxious. I just wanted to be with my children. I hated the fact that I was missing banana pancakes, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and morning snuggles. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all things healthy for the week. Finally 10:00 A.M. arrived and I got to pick up the boys. I cried when I picked them up I was so overcome with happiness to see them. Geez I'm totally crazy - we weren't even apart for 24 hours at that point. They were both equally excited and happy to see me too.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

My morning and early afternoon was filled with hugs, sloppy kisses, sidewalk chalk, trucks, cars, tractors, macoroni and cheese, bubbles and a two-hour nap next to my one-year old and a pile of clean laundry that needed to be folded... That two hours of sleep was better than any rest I got all weekend.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Evening was filled with more sloppy kisses, hugs, cuddling, lightning mcqueen, trike rides, a drive by the river with the windows down, steak dinner, bath time and a movie. I was in bed early and felt my husband come in later and hug and kiss me goodnight.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

So many people think we're crazy. So what? We love our married life and our children. Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be, which is something you can only discover once you're not free.

... A Short Story ...

When she left the office she felt lighter. Fumbling through her purse she dialed home, longing for a comforting voice.

"Hello?"
"Hi Mom. How was your day?"
"My day was really good up until 30 minutes ago."
"Why? Oh no. What happened?" She felt her stomach drop. Did someone die again? Not again. Please not again.
"Have you talked to dad today?"
She thought. Yes. He called me at work around 10:30 and he sounded fine. Fuck. Was he drunk? He didn't sound drunk. Should I lie? Fuck.
"No. Why?" Why did I just lie? I totally talked to him.
"I tried calling him and texting him and I haven't talked to him all day."
"Wait. Yes. He did call me at work this morning and he sounded fine. Is he home now?"
"Well, I tried calling him again once I got home and he still wasn't answering. I have no clue where he was. Then I heard noises and crashing in the garage and the garage door was open. Chris and Michelle were carrying dad in. He was so out of it, he had no clue where he was. He couldn't walk. He couldn't talk."
Fuck.
"Oh my god."
"We tried to carry him upstairs, but then I said it would probably be easier to bring him downstairs. He's sleeping there now. I've never seen him like that."
"Oh my god. Do you think he was on drugs?"
"I don't know. I don't even know where he was or who he was with. I'm so embarrassed. What if he was downtown? I'm so embarrassed."
"Don't be embarrassed, mom. It's him, not you."
"I know."
"Do you think he's going to get sick?" What a dumb fucking question. Of course he's going to get sick, you idiot.
"Probably."
"I know what you're feeling right now, mom. I really do."
"Yeah, well, it's a little different when it's a 70 year old man."
"I know."
How did we get here? When did he become this way? This man? Foreign. This is foreign. Where am I? 62. Get off on 62. Fuck traffic. Where is my loving, caring, handsome father in this? Blurry.
"I can't lift him by myself. What if he tries to move?" Blurry. What did she just say?
"Don't leave him alone. I'm sorry, mom. I know I didn't do anything , but I'm sorry this is happening. Did you talk to Peggy today? Do you think she will come over or.." Dumb. No of course not, you idiot. Why would she want anyone to see this situation? This is awkward. Why is this awkward? I want to hug mom.
"I sent her a text to walk with me, but I don't think I'll go anywhere now and I don't want anyone coming here."
No shit.
"I know." Should I try to make small talk?
"I just have no idea where he was or who he was with."
"I know." This scares her. It scares me too. Drugs? Booze? His prescriptions? Fuck. This is bad. Will this kill him? What if he dies? He killed himself. "He is going to be so sick from this, mom."
"I know."
"Like... sick for days, mom."
"I know...It makes so so sad that he does this to himself." I need to end this conversation. Dad. Why?
"Please call me if anything happens to dad or text me. I don't think anything will, bu.."
"I will."
"I love you."
"I love you too."

She hung up and tried to cry. Why can't I cry. There were no tears left. Should I call Tim? Should I call Pam? What are they even going to say. They don't know him like I do. They aren't here. They don't know. They won't understand. Maybe what they don't know and don't see won't hurt them. Tim might laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

She called a friend. The situation magnified itself and became more serious, but she knew she needed perspective. An intervention? Treatment? Are you crazy? This is my dad you're talking about. He's 71 years old. What the fuck.
__________________________________

He never used to drink. She had no recollection of him ever drinking. Just love. Only love. I will always remember love. There still is love.

And she was grateful for that.

Life Just Got a Little Sweeter.

Sweet Potatoes - Simply Delicious!

Welcome back to me!

We had a fabulous family vacation out to North Dakota to see my mom's side of the family. Our little guy got to meet my Grandma for the first time (my only living Grandparent left, no sorrow, please) and my husband and I got to go golfing too. It was wonderful!

I have to admit, I missed blogging. I've been on a 2-3 time per week rampage lately, and I hope to continue with it.

Today, however, I didn't come to talk to you about my vacation or my life. Nope, we're back on a weekly track for health and wellness. First week we talked about bananas, followed by reading the labels, last week I talked about having the nerve to move forward with changing lifestyle and this week we're talking about (you guessed it) SWEET POTATOES and why they're friggin' amazing.

You don't like sweet potatoes? Fooey I say! Sweet Potatoes can be prepared in all kinds of ways (that even include REAL butter and honey) and still be nutritious and delicious! Best of all, sweet potatoes are just that, they're sweet all on their own and with a touch of butter or olive oil, they're super duper yummiriffic - yep, I just made that word up.

My first challenge to you with incorporating the sweet potato into your diet is to replace it with any white potatoes that you're currently eating. I don't care what it is... Regular baked potatoes, french fries, hash browns, you name it and replace it with a sweet potato. For any of you that say white potatoes count as a vegetable, you're so wrong. White potatoes are a starch, which means it is a carbohydrate, which means it turns to sugar in your system. If you're staying sedentary, or going to exercise, it's not an ideal fuel for your body. If you're hooked on the white potato, by all means, that's fine. I then challenge you to add onion and peppers to your potatoes and have the white potato serve as your only starch on the table.

Now to the most important part - the Nutritional Value in this sweet little thing...

Sweet potatoes are rich in complex carbohydrates (easily digested by the body to use for energy), dietary fiber (good for digestion track), beta carotene, Vitamin A, Vitamin C (probably one of the most amazing Vitamins for your body EVER - Wikipedia it for more info) and Vitamin B6 (assists in controlling sodium and potassium and production of red blood cells or hemoglobin). Sweet potatoes rank the highest in nutritional value against other vegetables, particularly the white potato (I can't stress this point enough).

Sweet potatoes are also a healthier alternative to pumpkin when making pumpkin pie (sweet potato pie).

Although simple, my goal is that you learn something and become motivated to incorporate some of the healthier suggestions of diet and lifestyle into your own habits. There are all kinds of excuses to not change and keep doing what you're doing, but the time is now to start making better decisions and take care of your body!

Take care of yourself, if you don't, who will?

In the meantime, get in the car, go buy some sweet potatoes and try this recipe:

Skin and slice two or three sweet potatoes into small, french fry sized pieces.
Place on cookie sheet with or without foil.
Drizzle with olive oil and sea salt.
Bake at 425 degrees until crispy.
Enjoy with sour cream or all natural ketchup.

Delish!

Here's the Plate (Step Up Now, Please)

You can't start a plan without knowing how to finish it.

Raise your hand if you start a lot of things with good intentions, but never finish them. ((HAND RAISED)).

OR

Raise your hand if you intend to start a lot of things "tomorrow" with good intentions, but for some reason "tomorrow" turns into days, weeks, months or even years. ((OTHER HAND RAISED)).

In the great adventure we call life, I'm sure one or both of these situations has been true for you at some point pertaining to some thing. However, the focus of my thought sharing today is around healthy lifestyle. Too often I hear people (literally) say out loud (while eating a brownie, donut or french fries)...

"I'll start that diet and workout plan tomorrow."

This plan sounds fine if that's truly their intention, but most of the time it isn't. In saying something like this, it somehow justifies the unhealthy habit you're performing and adds a bit of humor to an otherwise serious conversation about commitment to a lifestyle change.

In today's world we've never been more aware of how unhealthy certain foods are for us, but we still eat them anyway. We know smoking and drinking is bad, but we still do it anyway. Why?

Because it's fun, of course. And because we're creatures of habit. It's really hard to quit what you've always been doing, but as the saying goes, if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always gotten.


Life is best taken in steps of 3.

Most of the followers of this blog are young. I consider "young" to be mid-30's and under, in fact, nowadays that's considered VERY young. I'm rambling. I've hidden behind this excuse before. I'm young and I have plenty of time to change, get better, improve my habits, eat healthier, rest more, exercise more, you name it...

However, just because we're young, doesn't mean that high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack or stroke aren't threats. I'm not telling you these things to scare you, I'm telling you these things because you are in charge of you; and if you don't take action with your own life, who will? You husband, parents, sister, friend, brother, cousin, best friend or whoever can't change you for you. Not even God can change your habits. God will never do for you that which you can do for yourself...

A lot of people have a skewed view of the Big Guy, thinking that he will just Voila! Make something happen. Sorry folks, not the case... God gave us that thing called free will, remember?

 So, what are you waiting for...

A sign? A big event? A moment? 

Well, here it is. Your swift kick in the ass to get moving with a wellness plan for your life.

As cheesy as it sounds, I compare any major transitions in life to baseball. You start at home plate (where you are now), you have three bases to cross (check-in points or steps) and you have three strikes before you're "out" (three flub ups or cheats or whatever). 

If you stay in the dug out or on the bench in life you obviously will go nowhere. Again, I know this is super cheesy, but hey, when in Rome...

Don't stop reading now or you'll miss the most important information contained within this entire blog.

When you're starting out on a plan to better yourself - DO NOT - I will repeat - DO NOT make a goal to be like someone else.

For example...

I want to lose weight to look like Jennifer Aniston.

I don't know who would make this goal, but whatever, it's an example... People, I'm here to tell you that none of us will ever be anything like Jennifer Aniston. Wanna know why? Because she's got millions upon millions of dollars to spend on bettering her body and you know what? I'm willing to bet it ain't all natural. Sorry Jen, secret's out.

You're 100 times more beautiful the way you are anyway.

I know, I know, you're going, yeah, yeah, you're full of poo. But, seriously, give yourself a little credit because guess what? There's only one YOU and there will never be a more beautiful YOU. That's why  you should take pride in yourself and take care of your body!!

The best thing you can do is compete with yourself and give yourself a start and end point that starts and ends with YOU.

Am I being clear? I think so.

Here's an example of a good goal: I want to fit into that black dress I wore to Katie's wedding two years ago or I want to get back to the weight I was before having kids.

I think you get the point.

So, as the title states, here's the plate (step up now, please).

Making a lifestyle change is a big decision. I'm not licensed, nor do I have any professional education in the health field, but it is a very strong interest of mine and I'm more than happy to provide insight if you're looking for help. Feel free to email me at lnnblodgett at gmail dot com.

Note: I'm checking out for the next 5 days. Sorry in advance for the lack of comments or lack of writing between now and my return.

A Challenge From the Boss Man

Toward the later portion of last year I received a promotion at my job. The words "assistant" or "associate" may never be in my job title again and I'm OK with that. I am wo-man, feelin' all successful and shiznit.

So far my new gig has been going swimmingly. I couldn't be happier. I've completely redesigned our website, our "brand" and quite frankly, the way we're marketing (some things) altogether. It's been a really fun project. But, now the re-design is done. We're upgrading things here and there as budgeting will allow, but we're onto other challenges like growing our business...Which is where my focus is primarily.

I received a challenge from my boss last week to majorly test my ability to sell. Not just selling anything either. I have to sell my company, our services, our products and basically open the flood gate with everything we have to offer to one of our newer relationships/accounts to see if I can reel them in. At first I was all hot-headed about the situation challenge you say? I laugh in the face of challenge? Muahahahaha... ((Insert BIG HEAD here)) Why the smart-ass mentality? Because I had just met with the guy a couple weeks prior to this obstacle presented and he already (verbally) agreed to send all his business opportunities to our firm. This last phone call in my mind would simply seal the deal; sign contracts, negotiate comp, whatever, I was gonna git 'er done.

But, not so fast there, slick. There's been one minor issue.... "The" guy won't return my emails or my phonecalls. WTF? Nicole's confidence has gone from elephant to ant-sized and boy do I feel like an over-zealous, over-confident, narcissistic FOOL.

So what now, you ask? The waiting game. You want to know what sucks about the waiting game? The same thing that sucked when you were waiting for "that guy" to call you in high school, college or whenever "that guy" came into your life. My stomach is in knots. I'm nervous. My hands are sweating. I'm drinking too much coffee. I'm over dressing for work. Everytime the phone rings I'm freaking Oh. Em. Geezy. Is. It. HIM?!?!?! Thank the Lord for caller ID.

I know that if this deal doesn't go through that I have seriously done everything I can without appearing totally and completely desperate for this man's business... also know that my boss won't hold it against me. BUT, in the back of my mind I keep thinking if I can land this... It just creates more trust and opens the doors for even more opportunities.

The busy season of my business is starting to pick up. And hey, quite frankly, maybe the meeting that I thought went well about a month ago didn't go as well as I thought... Whatever is going on, I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.

More to come on this saga...

The Act of Moderation

As promised, this is the second of the weekly commitment to a health and wellness-based blog entry. Personally, I've been an avid runner for the past 12 years. I've also done a good amount of weight training, yoga and "boot camp"-ish training. As of late, I've been doing a combination of all these things and it's been fabulous to get my body back in shape after having 2 babies back-to-back...

Since I have always made exercise a part of my life, typically 6 days of the week, my diet hasn't always been the greatest. Usually I can just eat what I want and my weight stays the same because of all the exercise I do.

However, 3 months ago a friend and I challenged each other to take the active lifestyle a step further and work on our eating habits. Neither of us were terribly unhealthy eaters to begin with, but our goal was to eat more "whole foods" versus processed foods and pay closer attention to serving sizes on things such as chips, crackers, cookies... Our reasoning? We decided to view our bodies as "fuel tanks" with the thought that if we fill our "tanks" with "good fuel" our bodies will run more efficiently and effectively.

This was a tougher challenge than I could have ever imagined, but it opened my eyes to mind-boggling things. There are a TON of chemicals and preservatives in our food; even the so-called healthy food or things labeled All Natural or Organic.

Take a loaf of bread from the store for instance - even the bread that says Healthy Choice or Brownberry Multi Grain. These labels are deceiving... The breads are PACKED FULL of ingredients that I don't even understand! Bread should only have 5 if not less ingredients: Flour, Yeast, Water, Salt and maybe honey or grains if you're doing whole grain. And if you think that's bad, check out the label on the salad dressings or the Yoplait yogurts (sorry Yoplait). They're terrible.

If your diet and moderation are things you struggle with, you're not alone. I highly recommend you consider taking this "challenge".

The next time you take a trip to the grocery store, I challenge you to THREE important things. If you take these THREE steps for the next THREE months, I guarantee you will not only see the results in your body, you will feel them.

1. Read THE LABELS. Rule of thumb, anything that you don't know, can't read or don't understand, put back and either (a) buy something fresh or (b) make something yourself.
2. Go out of your COMFORT ZONE. I used to always say that I didn't like blueberries. Now I don't remember why I ever said that! They've quickly become one of my favorite fruits. Along with kiwi (nature's jolly rancher). There are so many different fruits and vegetables to explore! Now that spring is here, hit up the local markets or if you're in a situation to start your own garden, even better! Either way, try new things and search the web. There are thousands of people that are on the whole foods/healthy train. Here's one to check out: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/real-food-resources/
3. Give yourself some FREEDOM. We are American after all and if you say you don't enjoy a half-pound cheese burger and enough french fries to feed a family every once in a while, you're kidding yourself. Here's the catch - instead of having a "cheat day" allow yourself ONE cheat meal per week. This narrows it in a bit and after a few months, you may not even want the cheat meal anymore (trust me, never thought I'd say that, but it's true for me SOME weeks).

I hope some of you will consider taking the "whole food" challenge and hopefully it's an adopted lifestyle for you. It definitely has been for my family and I don't ever think I will go back to not reading the labels. Not only has it been good for me, it's been great for my family!!

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. :)

Side Note: Prior to making any lifestyle changes, have a pep talk with yourself. A wise, wise woman once told me that loving yourself and knowing yourself is the best skin and body care available. I couldn't agree more. If you want more information about health and wellness, I'm not a professional, but I can provide insight, feel free to email me at lnnblodgett at gmail dot com.

I Just Want to Be (Super Duper) Mad for a While...

I got really angry at my husband this weekend. The kind of anger that makes your blood boil, blood pressure rise, tears well up in your eyes and words come out of your mouth that you have no control over and you never imagined yourself ever, ever saying. And what's worse? I have honestly never felt this type of angst toward my husband in our over 7 years together. I made him sleep on the couch because I couldn't even stand the thought of his toe accidently touching mine while we slept.

So, what'd he do to get me here? Let's just say it was a combination of events...

A couple weeks ago I was buzzing around in the kitchen making dinner. Both boys were hanging on my legs. Jacob is going through a major mommy phase right now, so when I come home from work I am "all the rage" to my young boys. It's truly amazing what I've leard to do one-handed... While I was attemping to stir bread dough with my left hand and keep my toddler out of the flour and hold the baby, I started asking my husband what our plans were for the next couple of weeks. I hoped we could possibly get out for a date night just the two of us since it's way overdue... I was also hoping we could be somewhat low-key and not spend too much money since we are getting ready to take a trip to North Dakota at the end of this month to see family. (And in case you haven't noticed, gas prices aren't exactly cheap these days...)

"Actually this weekend my dad got me and my brothers tickets to an Outdoor Convention Show and then next weekend I'm volunteering at the Ellsworth Chicken Feed all day on Saturday."

This was the first blood boiling moment. Both of these events meant he would most likely be drunk (get completely shitfaced) and be completely hungover the next day.

Why would this irritate me? Because he planned out our weekends without consulting me or asking me if any of this was alright with me. IF we were married without kids, fine, do whatever you want, but we have two YOUNG children. There is an "unwritten code" that states you have to ask your spouse before making plans on a weekend without the other spouse - especially if those plans involve drinking. Why you say? Because when you drink, not only are you away from your kids while the drinking takes place, but if you're anything like my husband, it also usually means he's in bed all day the next day (or at least a good portion of the next day) too. Then before we know it it's Monday and I go back to work and I've spent zero time with my husband.

I took a deep breath, smiled and said in a overly sarcastic voice, "Good for you! I'm so glad you planned out the rest of the month of March without consulting me." Not my proudest moment. But, seriously?!?! I never, ever make plans without asking my husband in advance if it's alright with him. I really wish he would extend me the same courtesy.

And so, this weekend rolled around. I was really looking forward to having some quality time with the kids, but I was less than thrilled about the events to come for hubby. He informed me that the event started at noon, so we headed over to my mother-in-law's (I was planning to hang with her for the day). When we got to her house, she said the event didn't start until 4:30 in the afternoon. This was another blood boiling moment. My husband lied to me about what time the event started and I called him out on it. When I said, "I thought you said the event started at noon?" He replied...

"I said I didn't know what time the event started."

I wasn't about to get into it with my mother-in-law standing right there, so I let it go. He literally looked me in the eyes earlier that morning and said it started at noon. But whatevs. Strike 2. First you plan without me and now you lie. Real cool. NOT.

I quickly shook this off after I had the best day ever with my kids. We didn't abide by any schedules, rules or anything and it was amazing. They were blissfully happy and so was I. I was sad in the back of my mind that Luke missed out on their first photo with the Easter Bunny and all the fun we had outside, but tried not to think about it too much - he made his choice. And I had a really great time with the M.I.L. too - she's an amazing lady...


Colt (2) & Jake (11 Months) with Easter Bunny 2012


Because we were on a "no rules or regulations" schedule on Saturday, the kids slept until 7PM for naps. I called Luke to check in at that point and I could tell that he had already had quite a bit to drink. I told him that we were going to eat dinner then I was going to pick him up to come home. He agreed.

After dinner, my M.I.L. suggested that I go get Luke by myself, then come back to get the kids. What a wise, wise woman. I'm so glad I took her advice.

As I made my way down to pick up Luke, I started preparing myself for the worst. I knew he'd been drinking all day and having fun with his family and buddies, but kept reminding myself that he doesn't get to do this too often anymore. I was fine, truthfully, and was actually happy he got to go out and have some fun.

I went inside to pick him up and we made our way out to the car. Surprisingly, he didn't seem too bad, but definitely had had more than just a couple of beers... We started talking on the way home. Laughing out the events from both of our days, then he made a remark about all the guys taking turns buying rounds of drinks and so I asked, "How much money did you spend?" He replied...

"I spent a lot of money today. Probably $150 trying to win stuff in addition to drinks and food."

This was it. This was the moment. I exploded. You planned two weekends out of this month without me, I blew it off. You lied to me about the time and place of your event to get more time away. I blew it off. But, now you're telling me you blew (possibly) over $200 of our money on CRAP, JUNK, NOTHING?! I never use this word, but seriously WTF?????? Not OK.

All day yesterday I was still stewing, again, this is not like me at all. I apologized to Luke for flipping out the way I did. I think I just need to let myself be mad for a little while until I can sort all this out. Luke said it was OK that I got mad; he knew he had it coming, but he didn't apologize to me at all. Should he have? I don't know.

I'm still sitting on all these feelings today. It wasn't just the money thing, it was everything. The planning without me, lying to me and then on top of it all, spending so selfishly and carelessly. All these characteristics aren't like my husband at all - not the man I've known for the past 7 years of my life anyway.

I need some time. I need to pray. I need to act. I'm sure we will work it out, but man, right now I just need to be mad for a little while...