Male Psych 101

I received a novel text message from my best friend yesterday afternoon informing me of her extreme anger and disgust with her boyfriend. She was texting me for reassurance - you know how females do - she wanted to know if she had a place for the anger and that the place was "in the right" if ya' know what I mean... Prior to lighting the spark sure to be an inferno, sometimes you need a girlfriend in the background saying, hells yeah, get 'em!

Anyway... Long story short, my friend definitely had a place for the anger and I'm sure we'll learn how that all panned out at a later time, but as a result of what happened with my friend - I'm going to give a bit of friendly advice to you ladies in a relationship, marriage, partnership, whatever that will hopefully help you more effectively keep your man in check more attuned to your feelings when he messes up.

Let's start with simple guidelines. Below is a list of three things you absolutely must try your best not to do. Note I say "try your best" because sometimes the steps below are seriously impossible not to do.

Let's explore...

1. Men are simple minded creatures. Do not complicate the matter at hand my leaving room for grey area. For the love of God do not say things like, "I'm mad at you. And if you can't figure out why then we have even bigger problems to worry about." Chances are your man has no idea what the hell you're mad about. Yes, yes, I'm sure you wish he did, but he's just a man, not a mind reader. Get over it. Just tell him plain as day why the heck you're bent out of shape and deal with the issue head on like an adult.
2. If the reason you become flooded with anger against your man happens when he is NOT with you, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT text him with obtuse comments like the point made in number one. Unless you want to pick a fight via text message, annoy the shit out of him and drive him away from you or receive a phone call to fight over the phone, hold back from the vague bitchy texts and distract yourself from the issue at hand until you can discuss with your man face to face. Again, like an adult.
3. When your man finally does get home, try to avoid being bitchy and short with him. Try to act normal; ask him how his day was, keep to your normal routine - You will know when the time is right to bring up your issue. I must warn you, if it's a really big issue, sometimes this step is impossible... But again, try to hold it together and act like an adult versus a hormonal teenage girl.

If your man messes up to the point that you want to start an inferno of a fight on him, which, let's face it, we're female - we tend to compromise ourselves to the point of no return and all it takes is a dirty dish in the sink to send us into angered oblivion... I want to elaborate on point number 1 above regarding men and "grey area" - most notably that you should leave none. How do you do this? By using one of the following three words to desribe the behavior at hand that has sent you spiraling out of control...

1. Inappropriate. Has anyone ever told you that your behavior is inappropriate? If not, pull the stick out of your butt and try doing something inappropriate for once in your life... (I'm semi-joking, I wish there was a sarcasm text). If so, you know that the word inappropriate stings! Especially as an adult! It doesn't exactly make you feel childish, but it definitely makes you feel in the wrong and small and you want to change that behavior immediately, possibly even turn back time to change it. And you can bet you'll be changing it going forward. Use this word with your man and there will be no grey area. It's either appropriate or it's inappropriate. Not really room for "in between". If your man has no regard for what you deem as appropriate, you may want to rethink your relationship...
2. Unacceptable. This is another fantastic word that leaves little to no room for grey area. Something is either acceptable or it's not. It also is a word that resignates in the brain. I don't know about you, but when someone close to me tells me they view something as "unacceptable" I tend to remember it...
3. Intolerable. This is another word that draws a hard line for you and your personal, emotional and physical boundaries that again, resignates in the brain. Also again, not much wiggle room for grey area.

A word of caution. Use the words above sparingly and carefully. Once you deem something as inappropriate, unacceptable or intolerable, don't change your mind. Stay true to yourself and how you feel. If your man cheats, is doing drugs, whatever - you have to draw a hard line on those types of behaviors if you feel there is one for YOUR personal needs.

I am not a man expert my any means. However, I did ask my husband about the above and he is in agreement. Bottom line is to make your point clear as day for your man - Don't leave him hanging, guessing or out to dry - let him in and deal with the issue at hand.

Happy Monday!