I Just Want to Be (Super Duper) Mad for a While...

I got really angry at my husband this weekend. The kind of anger that makes your blood boil, blood pressure rise, tears well up in your eyes and words come out of your mouth that you have no control over and you never imagined yourself ever, ever saying. And what's worse? I have honestly never felt this type of angst toward my husband in our over 7 years together. I made him sleep on the couch because I couldn't even stand the thought of his toe accidently touching mine while we slept.

So, what'd he do to get me here? Let's just say it was a combination of events...

A couple weeks ago I was buzzing around in the kitchen making dinner. Both boys were hanging on my legs. Jacob is going through a major mommy phase right now, so when I come home from work I am "all the rage" to my young boys. It's truly amazing what I've leard to do one-handed... While I was attemping to stir bread dough with my left hand and keep my toddler out of the flour and hold the baby, I started asking my husband what our plans were for the next couple of weeks. I hoped we could possibly get out for a date night just the two of us since it's way overdue... I was also hoping we could be somewhat low-key and not spend too much money since we are getting ready to take a trip to North Dakota at the end of this month to see family. (And in case you haven't noticed, gas prices aren't exactly cheap these days...)

"Actually this weekend my dad got me and my brothers tickets to an Outdoor Convention Show and then next weekend I'm volunteering at the Ellsworth Chicken Feed all day on Saturday."

This was the first blood boiling moment. Both of these events meant he would most likely be drunk (get completely shitfaced) and be completely hungover the next day.

Why would this irritate me? Because he planned out our weekends without consulting me or asking me if any of this was alright with me. IF we were married without kids, fine, do whatever you want, but we have two YOUNG children. There is an "unwritten code" that states you have to ask your spouse before making plans on a weekend without the other spouse - especially if those plans involve drinking. Why you say? Because when you drink, not only are you away from your kids while the drinking takes place, but if you're anything like my husband, it also usually means he's in bed all day the next day (or at least a good portion of the next day) too. Then before we know it it's Monday and I go back to work and I've spent zero time with my husband.

I took a deep breath, smiled and said in a overly sarcastic voice, "Good for you! I'm so glad you planned out the rest of the month of March without consulting me." Not my proudest moment. But, seriously?!?! I never, ever make plans without asking my husband in advance if it's alright with him. I really wish he would extend me the same courtesy.

And so, this weekend rolled around. I was really looking forward to having some quality time with the kids, but I was less than thrilled about the events to come for hubby. He informed me that the event started at noon, so we headed over to my mother-in-law's (I was planning to hang with her for the day). When we got to her house, she said the event didn't start until 4:30 in the afternoon. This was another blood boiling moment. My husband lied to me about what time the event started and I called him out on it. When I said, "I thought you said the event started at noon?" He replied...

"I said I didn't know what time the event started."

I wasn't about to get into it with my mother-in-law standing right there, so I let it go. He literally looked me in the eyes earlier that morning and said it started at noon. But whatevs. Strike 2. First you plan without me and now you lie. Real cool. NOT.

I quickly shook this off after I had the best day ever with my kids. We didn't abide by any schedules, rules or anything and it was amazing. They were blissfully happy and so was I. I was sad in the back of my mind that Luke missed out on their first photo with the Easter Bunny and all the fun we had outside, but tried not to think about it too much - he made his choice. And I had a really great time with the M.I.L. too - she's an amazing lady...


Colt (2) & Jake (11 Months) with Easter Bunny 2012


Because we were on a "no rules or regulations" schedule on Saturday, the kids slept until 7PM for naps. I called Luke to check in at that point and I could tell that he had already had quite a bit to drink. I told him that we were going to eat dinner then I was going to pick him up to come home. He agreed.

After dinner, my M.I.L. suggested that I go get Luke by myself, then come back to get the kids. What a wise, wise woman. I'm so glad I took her advice.

As I made my way down to pick up Luke, I started preparing myself for the worst. I knew he'd been drinking all day and having fun with his family and buddies, but kept reminding myself that he doesn't get to do this too often anymore. I was fine, truthfully, and was actually happy he got to go out and have some fun.

I went inside to pick him up and we made our way out to the car. Surprisingly, he didn't seem too bad, but definitely had had more than just a couple of beers... We started talking on the way home. Laughing out the events from both of our days, then he made a remark about all the guys taking turns buying rounds of drinks and so I asked, "How much money did you spend?" He replied...

"I spent a lot of money today. Probably $150 trying to win stuff in addition to drinks and food."

This was it. This was the moment. I exploded. You planned two weekends out of this month without me, I blew it off. You lied to me about the time and place of your event to get more time away. I blew it off. But, now you're telling me you blew (possibly) over $200 of our money on CRAP, JUNK, NOTHING?! I never use this word, but seriously WTF?????? Not OK.

All day yesterday I was still stewing, again, this is not like me at all. I apologized to Luke for flipping out the way I did. I think I just need to let myself be mad for a little while until I can sort all this out. Luke said it was OK that I got mad; he knew he had it coming, but he didn't apologize to me at all. Should he have? I don't know.

I'm still sitting on all these feelings today. It wasn't just the money thing, it was everything. The planning without me, lying to me and then on top of it all, spending so selfishly and carelessly. All these characteristics aren't like my husband at all - not the man I've known for the past 7 years of my life anyway.

I need some time. I need to pray. I need to act. I'm sure we will work it out, but man, right now I just need to be mad for a little while...