Freedom

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

"...Yep. That's how I intend to keep it. No responsibilities," my coworker said to me last week when I commented on his care-free, cavalier lifestyle. Although I gave off the impression to him that I'm jealous, I'm not. I can't imagine what it would be like to have no mate, no children and no regard for anyone but yourself. How selfish. How silly. How foreign to a wife and mother like me.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

This past Saturday my children stayed with my parents while Luke and I got a chance to have a "date day" and went to a surprise party for one of our friends. "Date day" was awesome. We went golfing, had a couple of cocktails and were home by 4:30ish. We took a shower and got ready for the surprise party. Dinner and the surprise were both fun, but over by about 9:00 and then everyone wanted to go to the bar. All I wanted to do was go home and snuggle in bed with my husband and our kids.

We proceeded to the bar. I really didn't want to be there and I suck at hiding my feelings. Even when I try to hide it, they're still written all over my face and my actions and people usually perceive my as a bitch at that point - I don't even care anymore what they think because that's exactly how I'm acting and they have every right to think that way about me. No I don't want a drink. No I definitely don't want a shot of anything and by the way, I don't care how good of friends you are with my husband, do. not. touch. me. Yep. That's basically the vibe I gave off all night. I sipped on a few beers and pretended to take a shot with our birthday friend. We got home at 3:00 A.M. I was sober and completely exhausted. Husband was not even a sliver of sober and also completely exhausted.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I woke up at 7 A.M. yesterday, put a pot of coffee on and was so anxious. I just wanted to be with my children. I hated the fact that I was missing banana pancakes, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and morning snuggles. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all things healthy for the week. Finally 10:00 A.M. arrived and I got to pick up the boys. I cried when I picked them up I was so overcome with happiness to see them. Geez I'm totally crazy - we weren't even apart for 24 hours at that point. They were both equally excited and happy to see me too.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

My morning and early afternoon was filled with hugs, sloppy kisses, sidewalk chalk, trucks, cars, tractors, macoroni and cheese, bubbles and a two-hour nap next to my one-year old and a pile of clean laundry that needed to be folded... That two hours of sleep was better than any rest I got all weekend.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Evening was filled with more sloppy kisses, hugs, cuddling, lightning mcqueen, trike rides, a drive by the river with the windows down, steak dinner, bath time and a movie. I was in bed early and felt my husband come in later and hug and kiss me goodnight.

Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

So many people think we're crazy. So what? We love our married life and our children. Freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be, which is something you can only discover once you're not free.