Male Psych 101

I received a novel text message from my best friend yesterday afternoon informing me of her extreme anger and disgust with her boyfriend. She was texting me for reassurance - you know how females do - she wanted to know if she had a place for the anger and that the place was "in the right" if ya' know what I mean... Prior to lighting the spark sure to be an inferno, sometimes you need a girlfriend in the background saying, hells yeah, get 'em!

Anyway... Long story short, my friend definitely had a place for the anger and I'm sure we'll learn how that all panned out at a later time, but as a result of what happened with my friend - I'm going to give a bit of friendly advice to you ladies in a relationship, marriage, partnership, whatever that will hopefully help you more effectively keep your man in check more attuned to your feelings when he messes up.

Let's start with simple guidelines. Below is a list of three things you absolutely must try your best not to do. Note I say "try your best" because sometimes the steps below are seriously impossible not to do.

Let's explore...

1. Men are simple minded creatures. Do not complicate the matter at hand my leaving room for grey area. For the love of God do not say things like, "I'm mad at you. And if you can't figure out why then we have even bigger problems to worry about." Chances are your man has no idea what the hell you're mad about. Yes, yes, I'm sure you wish he did, but he's just a man, not a mind reader. Get over it. Just tell him plain as day why the heck you're bent out of shape and deal with the issue head on like an adult.
2. If the reason you become flooded with anger against your man happens when he is NOT with you, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT text him with obtuse comments like the point made in number one. Unless you want to pick a fight via text message, annoy the shit out of him and drive him away from you or receive a phone call to fight over the phone, hold back from the vague bitchy texts and distract yourself from the issue at hand until you can discuss with your man face to face. Again, like an adult.
3. When your man finally does get home, try to avoid being bitchy and short with him. Try to act normal; ask him how his day was, keep to your normal routine - You will know when the time is right to bring up your issue. I must warn you, if it's a really big issue, sometimes this step is impossible... But again, try to hold it together and act like an adult versus a hormonal teenage girl.

If your man messes up to the point that you want to start an inferno of a fight on him, which, let's face it, we're female - we tend to compromise ourselves to the point of no return and all it takes is a dirty dish in the sink to send us into angered oblivion... I want to elaborate on point number 1 above regarding men and "grey area" - most notably that you should leave none. How do you do this? By using one of the following three words to desribe the behavior at hand that has sent you spiraling out of control...

1. Inappropriate. Has anyone ever told you that your behavior is inappropriate? If not, pull the stick out of your butt and try doing something inappropriate for once in your life... (I'm semi-joking, I wish there was a sarcasm text). If so, you know that the word inappropriate stings! Especially as an adult! It doesn't exactly make you feel childish, but it definitely makes you feel in the wrong and small and you want to change that behavior immediately, possibly even turn back time to change it. And you can bet you'll be changing it going forward. Use this word with your man and there will be no grey area. It's either appropriate or it's inappropriate. Not really room for "in between". If your man has no regard for what you deem as appropriate, you may want to rethink your relationship...
2. Unacceptable. This is another fantastic word that leaves little to no room for grey area. Something is either acceptable or it's not. It also is a word that resignates in the brain. I don't know about you, but when someone close to me tells me they view something as "unacceptable" I tend to remember it...
3. Intolerable. This is another word that draws a hard line for you and your personal, emotional and physical boundaries that again, resignates in the brain. Also again, not much wiggle room for grey area.

A word of caution. Use the words above sparingly and carefully. Once you deem something as inappropriate, unacceptable or intolerable, don't change your mind. Stay true to yourself and how you feel. If your man cheats, is doing drugs, whatever - you have to draw a hard line on those types of behaviors if you feel there is one for YOUR personal needs.

I am not a man expert my any means. However, I did ask my husband about the above and he is in agreement. Bottom line is to make your point clear as day for your man - Don't leave him hanging, guessing or out to dry - let him in and deal with the issue at hand.

Happy Monday! 

50 Shades of Seriously Weird (Mid) Book Review & Weekend Fluff

Happy Friday, ya'll!

Man oh man have I had a busy week. And even though I promise every morning when I can barely get out of bed I will go to bed early, I end up staying up later than I ever imagine - Why, you ask? Because I succumbed to all the hype and started reading complete trash, otherwise known has Fifty Shades of Grey. Unless you have been living under a rock for the past year or so, I suspect you've heard of this book and I'm here to tell you that I'm surprised to find that it is not as bad as I expected it to be.

The way people have been talking about this book I expected it to be even more poorly written, however, the gross and uncomfortable, can't-sit-still-while-you-read effect that I heard all about it spot on. Christian Grey is definitely "fifty shades of f'ed up" - as he describes himself in the book.

Since this is a Twilight fan-fiction series, I wasn't surprised to find that my least favorite character is the main character, Anastasia "Ana" Steele (much like Twilight I personally couldn't stand Bella Swan). Even though you want to reach in and shake Ana in the book - at least she admits she's being a total idiot by falling for this complete freak-a-zoid. And for the record, the freak-a-zoid is insanely hot in the book - I can't help but lust after this character - he's rich, powerful, confident - on the outside, everything you want in a man. Behind closed doors, Ana should be running for the hills (again, she admits this in the book).

All in all, the book gets a C+ so far. I started it Tuesday and am almost done, so clearly the writing keeps you entertained, distracted and eating it up. However, the writing is seriously awful, over wordy and at times confusing because she uses big words unnecessarily.

And one last comment - It drives me bonkers when authors make immature young adults in their 20's talk like sophisticated old people in their 40's. It's unrealistic, irritating and corny. I'm also both concerned and disturbed that the book is getting as much hype as it is... I suppose that's another topic entirely...

Anyway - to switch gears, I'm totally psyched for this weekend. I get to go golfing with my old, good friend Jenna! We're golfing twilight golf tonight, then grabbing a bite to eat afterward. I have to say Jenna is definitely one of my best friends. I tell this girl anything and everything and she always understands. Best of all, she's never judged and has been by my side, through thick and thin. She's got my back and I tell you what, as a female, those types of friends are hard to come by. Love this girl.


The rest of the weekend will be non-stop I'm sure tending to our garden (Colton and Luke's garden, that is), playing trucks, cars and tractors outside and hopefully getting some good running time. Both the kids like to come running with me now, it's so much fun to have them with me going, "Faster, mommy!" Talk about fantastic motivation. I hope at least one of the boys likes to run so they can come with me someday...

Wishing you all a fabulous weekend and if you find yourself with nothing to do, I won't judge you if you wind up like me getting lost in the trash that is Fifty Shades of Grey...


Laters, Readers!

Photos!

I Have My Own Intern.

EXCITED FACE!

I'm happy to report my career has officially come full circle in one aspect - I now have my very own summer intern! I started in the workplace as an intern at an event center on Lake Minnetonka and loved it. I learned so much and I can only hope that my intern will learn as much here as I did at my first internship.

I WAS SO EXCITED when I heard we were getting a summer intern. Right now I am the only person driving the Business Development train at my office and I desperately need an assistant, but we have no room for anymore employees. Our company is bursting at the seams as far as capacity (good thing), but we're hesitant to move our offices to anywhere bigger... It will happen eventually, but right now, we're working with what we've got.

However, I must say having an intern is not all it's cracked up to be. Here I was thinking I was going to have tons of stuff for him to do when in actuality, he can't help me with a lot of aspects of my job because they're too detailed and complicated. It would be like him trying to come into The Good Shepard half-way through and figure out what the heck is going on - it's literally impossible.

As a result I have him doing easy tasks - updating our social networks, making sales calls, securing venues for upcoming events, etc. I know he is learning new things because he told me he is learning a lot, but I really hope that he gets a lot out of this opportunity and hey, maybe even secures a job at the end of summer? Doubtful, but if he rocks it he totally could.

Another thing I continually need to remind myself about is that he's so young! 21-22 years old and still has one semester left of school and as a result, at times his maturity level is a bit low... That's alright though. I still have moments that I act like a 21-year-old (this past weekend, for example, we got pretty rowdy at my friend's wedding) and I am sure I'll have more, but at times, it's like oh yeah... You're REALLY young still and it definitely shows.

For those of you that are my age - late 20's - my advice to you is to stay on your game. One thing I've noticed about this young chap is he is SMART and QUICK to learn, especially new technology. It's remarkable, really. I give him something to do and he is on it like white on  rice and bothering me for more to do. He's also willing and eager to learn new things and learns them fast. It's awesome, but gives me good reason to stay on top of my own skills because wow, the young ones are smart ya'll!!!

Well... Back to work!

PS - if you want to see more about what I do at work all day check out my companies blog HERE. We're also on Facebook here. Oh and one last thing, I'm featured on a training video here (the bottom video).

20-Something's Kinda Suck.

Yeah, yeah, I'm blogging twice today. Turns out my husband and I can't go away ever for a weekend without coming home to a sick child or sick children. Once again proving my point that I don't fully trust anyone else with our kids.

The past few weeks my husband and I have been going through the biggest valley we have ever been through in our marriage. We have been married two and a half years, together for seven years, have two children and as of late the honeymoon stage has been officially over. We are still learning how to be partners in life and compromise the best we can. I firmly believe there are always times in a marriage or relationship where one person feels they are giving 110% and the other person is maybe giving 50% at most. But, that's life and that's marriage and that's partnership! You agree to pull the other person's weight, however, you agree to pull the weight only if you trust they will pull the weight for you when the tables turn. Phew. That was a mouth full. But I know you understand what I'm saying.

One thing I can say is during this hard time we've gone through, we have communicated until we were blue in the face. I swear you can never talk to your husband, significant other, life partner, etc. enough. And I can also firmly say that I have been doing a better job at not TRIANGULATING the problem.

Example: Luke does something that makes me upset. Instead of just telling him about it, I call my mom and tell her about it. Or I call a friend and tell her about it. Before I even bring it to Luke I've escalated, or as I like to call it, TRIAGULATED the problem. I brought in a third party that is not objective and you know what happens then? The problem escalates even bigger and gets out of hand.

I suck at not triagulating. I run to my mom on a lot of things. I've been trying to get better at not doing that - it's dumb and immature and I need to just start dealing with life on my own.

I've also realized that being in our 20's has been REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD. Not only are we in our 20's, we're in our 20's with two kids, which at times seems financially impossible and the road ahead starts to look bleak. I'm so glad I have Luke to keep my head up. I'm not one to get down and frustrated and sad, but lately, man it's been really tough. I've been having a tough time seeing the glass half full and have been crying a lot - it's like a constant state of breaking up and putting back together again.

There have been a lot of changes in my "self" too. I've been reading the Bible a lot more, doing not just one, but two devotions a day. There are certain aspects of myself that I've been breaking up with and moving on from, just trying to become the best version of myself. I've also been finding myself not caring as much about what people think - I know that may sound dumb, but I'm so over caring about judgment because I know I'm not perfect and I make a ton of mistakes, but I also know that I'm doing the best I can and I'm giving it all I've got.

Isn't it strange in life how we go through transitions? It's like we wake up and know that something is just DIFFERENT. Like we know who we were yesterday is not who we are today and it's scary, but exciting at the same time because usually when this happens, you feel BETTER and STRONGER.

It's like that country song...

Life's a dance, you learn as you go;
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know;
Life's a dance, you learn as you go... 

Wedded Bliss!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be involved in one of my closest friend's weddings. I was chosen to be her personal attendant. I was of course happy to help any way I could! I love my friend dearly and wanted to make sure her day would run smoothly. However, I was in no way prepared to be a personal attendant. I definitely should have done some research before I signed on for this job! We were laughing about it, but I honestly felt so much stress about the whole thing because I was unprepared! At one point someone even mistook me for the wedding planner. My husband was in absolute hysterics as he was standing right next to me when someone questioned a "blip" in the program. There were lots of laughs throughout the day and I didn't have a chance to talk with the bride after everything, but I think she was pleased with her special day!

All in all, I'd say the wedding was a success. My friend looked absolutely stunning, the epitome of what a bride should be and I know she and her new husband are going to live a long, happy life together.

I do want to take a moment to share with you all a few new rules I have learned about being involved in a wedding. I firmly believe there is etiquette you absolutely must follow. Please note I'm by no means a wedding planning professional and there are a lot more rules of etiquette I'm sure to be found online...

These are my points:

1. If you are a member of the bridal party (guy or girl) in any way, shape or form, try on what you are wearing before the actual day of the wedding. There is no time on the day of to take anything in, out or off whatever it may be that you are assigned to wear.
2. Don't forget this day is all about the bride and groom. That's it. No one else. If the bride or groom ask you to do something, do it. Simple as that.
3. Get good rest! A wedding is not just a ceremony and a reception. There are videos and photos being taken all day long and trust me, you are going to want to look fantastic in these pictures that are going to be shared for lifetimes to come.
4. If you absolutely must slip away for a moment during this big day for a drink, some food, a cigarette, a phone call, whatever it may be - do it at a time that is appropriate and when you've been made sure the bride or groom do not need you - especially prior to the ceremony. Once the reception comes around, there is wiggle room for this point.
5. If you are a personal attendant, come prepared for absolutely everything you can possibly think of - case in point, I didn't have a scissors and when I didn't have a scissors I got a lot of looks like, "Why the heck don't you have a scissors? DUH! You should totally have a scissors!" - Pack an "emergency" kit of sorts and possibly review scenarios with the bride before hand so you can be prepared together!

I'm so happy I got to be there for my friend and take part in every aspect of her wedding day. It was such a treat and I seriously learned A LOT about weddings! As a result of my stress of being unprepared in some ways for my assigned duties, I definitely drank way too much at the reception, however, after asking others, weddings seem to be a prime occasion for that to happen.

Happy wishes to my friend and her new hubby - I'm happy to say that there is another couple in my circle of friends that are now "married". xxoo

Inspiration.