My best friend's family is seriously going too far with taking advantage of her. I can't take it anymore. If she doesn't say something I'm honestly contemplating having a heart-to-heart with her mother and older sister myself.
For privacy purposes in honor of my friend, she is referred to as "Sharon" in my blog. I've noted this in a past entry that I refer to her as "Sharon" because she resemles the character "Sharon" on my favorite soap opera The Young and The Restless. The. Best. Soap. Ever.
History: Sharon's mom moved in with her and boyfriend almost 1 year ago. She had lost her job, times are tough right now in the economy and she needed a place to live. Sharon's boyfriend agreed to have her mom come and move in at no cost to her until she could afford to pay them, then eventually get out and find her own place. In the past year, Sharon has not only provided and paid for a place for her mom to live, she has also given her money to put gas into her car, pay her bills, buy food and even provided spending money. Not only has Sharon been doing these things for her mom, but she's been doing these things for her older sister too.
Sharon's mom found a job and has been working for a while now, maybe 6 months, and has found her own place to live and plans to move in March 1st. She also made the decision to go back to school and is collecting student loans, some of the loan money is going to go toward paying for her new place to live.
Sharon's older sister is also back in school down south - Sharon's mom has been paying for everything for her older sister (phone, $400 per month car payment, spending money, gas, you name it) because she can't find a job down at school. Because of this, Sharon's mom still has no money to support herself because every cent she's earning is going toward Sharon's older sister, and as a result, Sharon is left paying for her mom, basically providing for her mom, and her sister some too if her mom can't afford something.
Sharon told me this morning that she is so close to just saying, "Screw it" and walking away from everything (boyfriend included because obviously this whole situation has put a major damper on their relationship) and let her family figure their own situations out for themselves. For pete's sake they are friggin' adults! What is going on here?!?
However, Sharon has too kind of heart to do this to her family. I'm trying to encourage her to seriously talk to them and say how much she loves them and wants to help them, but she has emotional, physical and mental limits! She's being stretched way too thin right now.
She had 2 lines crossed this morning by her mom and sister:
1. Mom asked if Sharon could pay for her deposit at her new place. Really? How are you thinking you can afford rent if you can't pay for your deposit? Her mom even had the nerve to say to her (something along the lines of), "What's the big deal? Don't you have that money in your savings?" - Yes, Sharon does, but it's HER SAVINGS.
2. Her sister told Sharon this morning that she's going to use some of the money from her tax return to go on a spring break trip with her friends from school to New Orleans (and not to say anything to their mom about it). Really? How about putting your family first and paying them back some of the money you owe them OR better yet, SAVING THE MONEY to start paying some of your own bills?
You guys, I'm at my wits end here. On top of all this, both mom and sister have (what sounds like) terrible spending habits (i.e. going out to eat, purchasing things out of their means, etc.). I love Sharon, and I love her family too, but they are seriously really taking advantage of her right now.
I advised her to talk to them about what's she's feeling before she says or does something she regrets and that her family doesn't see coming. At least if she tells them that she's at her wits end and they need to figure their lives out or she's cutting them off, they know what's coming...
Thoughts?
I think you need to tell "Sharon" to stick up for herself, it's time for her to be selfish. In the long run, cutting off her sister and mother is really going to help them and teach them to take care of themselves. It'd be different if her mom and sister were responsible and were doing everything they could by saving their money and not spending it on unnecessary things. But at this point I think they're just taking advantage of Sharon.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, Amanda! It's so tough with family. They're sometimes "friends you can't get rid of" - I just hope that she'll stand up for herself. More to come on this for sure!
ReplyDeleteWoooow, that's such a hard situation for your friend. I think the above poster gave great advice, but I can also see how that's really really hard for Sharon to say that to her family. So here's another suggestion:
ReplyDeleteShe should start lying about her own finances. If her mom doesn't know she has savings, she can't ask to mooch off em. She can say unexpected expenses are coming up like car or medical bills, or she's getting paid less at work, or whatever. I don't normally advocate lying, but Sharon needs to protect herself, and I don't think her mom/sister are gonna change their ways with a heart to heart.
Her sister can't find a job near campus? She sounds like a pill, and should definitely be cut off, but that's something her mom will have to realize on her own, imho.