Trouble in Paradise

For those that don't know, my husband has a seasonal job. He's working to transition as full-owner of his dad's company - truthfully, the full ownership is probably 5-10 years off, but he is going to work towards becoming a partial owner this year. MB&Boys, Inc. is the name of (soon-to-be) their company, specializing in concrete flatwork needs (sidewalks, driveways, foundations, anything that is flat and concrete). When he is "on season", he works long days - dusk until dawn - and sometimes on the weekends too. However, when work comes to a hault for the season, obviously his life completely takes a 180 - he ain't doin' nothin'.

Prior to him deciding to do this, we agreed that he would stay home with our kids (2-year-old and 9-month-old) since daycare runs us roughly $1,300 per month for both. Simple math, it's more affordable for us to have Luke stay home with them if he isn't working. Plus, it's hard enough right now to find ANY job, try finding an off-season job that is also "seasonal" during the winter months - it's about impossible - unless he wanted to wrap Christmas presents at Macy's ((chuckling)). Highly doubtful.

At first he was excited to stay home with the boys. He'd say, "How hard could it be?" or, "You don't think I can do this? Of course I can." - At first I was nervous for him because I know how long the days can be when I have both boys alone, without help and without another adult to talk to. The first few weeks of him staying home with the boys weren't so bad because we were still living with my folks. They were home to help him and my mom even took care of them for Luke a few days out of the week so he could go do stuff - like ice fish with my dad, run errends, work out, you name it. However, the situation has drastically changed now that we have our own home in Hudson - 65 miles away from my parents and 25 miles away from his parents - 5 days a week, 9 hours from when I leave home until I come back after work.

To say the least, this situation is starting to take a toll on him. I've suggested getting the kids out to a pool at the YMCA in town, taking them to book reading time at the library (scheduled 3-4 times per week between Hudson and River Falls - 5 miles away - libraries), getting involved in a "daddy and me" class, taking the kids to visit his mom at work or his dad out at the shop, coming to visit me at work and going out for lunch and his usual reply is to (1) tune out to any of my suggestions or (2) complain that it's too much work. And I get frustrated with these responses because (1) no female likes to get ignored, especially when she's only trying to be helpful and (2) really? too much work? So, you're going to deprive our children of socialization because you don't want to do the extra work of packing a diaper bag?

Needless to say I'm really frustrated with him right now. We need to have a discussion and find a different solution because let me tell you, I have patience and tolerance for a crabby toddler or baby, but I have ZERO patience for a crabby spouse - especially when (sorry to say it so frankly), it isn't my fault that he's unhappy with his situation. We talked, agreed and decided on this situation and I tried to warn him that it wasn't going to be easy. I'm not trying to be like, "I TOLD YOU SO!" - But, seriously, I did tell him so...

You guys, something has to change. It's been almost 2 weeks of him being alone with our kids all week and it's really, really taking a toll. Not  to mention, winter is LONG here in Minnesota/Wisconsin - we have a lot of weeks left before he goes back to work.

Case in point - 3 weeks ago I told him I had plans this Saturday with my friends - which, might I add, I rarely make time for my friends because weekends are my quality time with my kids - but, last time I had plans, I cancelled because I wasn't feeling the greatest. I haven't had a whole day with friends since last June! Seriously, it's time - And, hubby agreed that he would take the kids to his parents. Well, since these new events and feelings and frustrations have developed with him choosing to be cooped up all day staying home with our children, he wants to go ice fishing up north on Saturday... Saturday, the day I was supposed to have time with my friends, remember?

I'm totally compromised. I work all week, come home and hubby checks out mentally, make dinner, clean, bathe kids, read to the kids, put them to bed, then - get up at 4:45 AM to go to the gym before everyone wakes up - repeat.

I need time with my friends too, right?

Now, we're scrambling to try and find a solution for taking care of our children on Saturday and I may end up cancelling my plans so he can go fish.

I know that men weren't meant to be taking care of babies and toddlers - he loves our children dearly, and is wonderful to them - but, it comes more naturally to me. When they're older, this may be a different story because he could just take them with him fishing or hunting or eventually, out drinking or something, but until then, it's going to be tough.

Normally I'm good about compromising and letting hubby do whatever he pleases, but I'm putting my foot down this weekend. I need this time with my friends.

Sometimes marriage is really hard. Sometimes having children is really hard. But, we've done really well so far, this is the first sort of "blip" in the road. Maybe we need to put the kids in daycare a couple days a week so Luke doesn't feel so isolated?

Help? Suggestions?